What about anger?  What do you do when you’re so angry you could “spit nails”?  How do you handle the tense situations?

It’s very rare that I get really angry but when I do I want to just scream at the top of my lungs at the person who has offended me.  I have done this on extremely rare occasions.  Thankfully, most of the time, I am able to channel my anger into a fast walk, housework or some other physical task.  But then later the feeling comes back, usually when I’m in the car by myself and I let it out with all the fury I can muster.  Now the question, is this healthy?

We’ve been told by some experts that it’s not good to bottle up your feelings.  Repressed anger can cause all kinds of problems including high blood pressure.  Others say not to express your anger out loud to anyone because it can escalate into hard feelings all around.  OK, don’t bottle up but don’t let it out at anybody.  Hmmm, maybe my car screaming has its merits!

Anger is not fun, no matter how it starts or what you do about it.  I hate feeling angry.  I hate what my body and mind go through when I’m angry.  I hate the lingering thoughts and possible repercussions.  I hate that the next time I see the person the anger boils up inside me and I have ill thoughts toward them.  I hate the separation from a person I want to love.  But what is the answer?

My best guess is to stay away (as much as possible) from those that make me angry.  Of course when they are family members I feel somewhat STUCK with them.  I try very hard to reason away my anger by concocting excuses for that person’s behavior but sometimes it is just truly inexcusable.  In that case I try to get off by myself and let my body tense and say whatever words I need to get my feelings out of me. 

What makes me maddest is when the person is giving me excuses for their behavior that I don’t find viable.  I want so much to “tell them off” but? what good would it do in the long run.  I would become the bad guy and it would be said that I just “went off” all over the person.  Rarely would that person or others close by feel that I was justified for my behavior.

But that brings up another question.  What if I have an ally?  What if someone else shares my feelings about the offending person?  Is it OK to take sides and share our frustrations in order to let them out?  I do think it does help if you have someone that truly agrees with you but how do you know unless they say something first?  Then even if you are just agreeing with what they said you might still feel guilty for harboring ill feelings and worse for expressing them, especially if someone else overhears (like the perpetrator).  Oh what a mess it can all become.

I have heard it said of some that “she never raised her voice to anyone” or “he was always so nice to everyone” and I think that I’d really like for that to be said of me.  But then, I didn’t know that person very well, maybe it was unexpressed anger that caused the heart attack or other dis-ease.  And, how much did others abuse the nice one because they could get away with unacceptable behavior?   How much did the pleasant one have to really suffer to be outwardly so nice?  Was it worth it?

One thing I really hate is for someone to say that I’m mad or get mad at me in reaction to the perceived notion that I’m mad when I’m not.  I don’t like for someone close to me to think they know me so well that they assume they know every tone of my voice and accuse me of having a “pissy fit” when all I did was make a simple statement then move on to something else.  All of us should be very careful not to mind read because we are usually always wrong.

I’ve run across people that can’t seem to ever say anything positive.  No matter what you do or say they will twist it into something derogatory and tell you that you think this or you think that when you weren’t thinking anything of the kind.  Those are the worst “mind readers” and they do so much harm to everyone around them because they impose their own anger and ill wishes onto everyone else.  They see malice where there’s none.  That’s certainly not healthy!

Anger can be such a destructive thing we must be very careful when it raises its ugly head.  Like jealousy it can grow until it overwhelms everything.  Churches split, couples divorce, and nations go to war because of it.

I don’t know all the answers.  No one does.  I just know that if I feel angry I  (1 make sure there’s a very good reason, (2  do my best to keep it to myself, (3 only share it quietly and privately with someone of like mind and only if really necessary and (4 get some alone time in my car so I can let it all out without hurting or even involving anyone else, then (5 do my best to let it go so it won’t affect any future encounters with any of the people involved or (6 make a conscious choice to totally separate myself from certain people/situations if physically possible.

Anger is a controllable reaction.  With practice we can all become nicer people.  We can minimize hard feelings toward others while minimizing our bodily reactions.  Less anger leads to less splits, less divorces, less wars and less sickness and dis-ease.   So when it strikes, think first of all the options then choose to release it as harmlessly as possible, ASAP.  That’s healthy!!